The MAC has a series of powerful utilities known as widgets. At the click of a button I can know the weather, track a flight, and revise some quantum physics theory stuff. But the best widget I’ve discovered so far is the English to Pirate translator!
Here are a couple of examples:
ENGLISH TEXT: Day five of the battle of the kidney stone and still no progress. Five days drinking nothing but water sure leaves a man thirsty for some rum. Purely for medicinal purposes of course!
PIRATE TEXT: Day five o’ th’ battle o’ th’ kidney stone ‘n still no progress. Five days drinkin’ naught but water sure leaves a scallywag thirsty fer some rum. Purely fer medicinal purposes o’ course!
If you have something (appropriate) you’d like to run through the pirate translator send it my way and I’ll post it. Until then . . . Keep yer feet on th’ ground ‘n keep reachin’ fer th’ stars.
Randy Wray
November 1st, 2006 at 9:36 am
How would a Pirate translate “knucklehead?†I guess I won’t tell you (since you’ve been drinking water for 5 days) that we ate at Sonny’s last night. In fact, Steven remembered you saying the following this past summer when we were at In-N-Out Burger, “Yeah, In-N-Out Burger is good but then there’s Sonny’s.â€
November 1st, 2006 at 9:39 am
You should do a sermon in Piratese. Only, of course, when you’re ready to leave Stockton!
November 1st, 2006 at 10:39 am
Have you tried cranberry juice?
November 1st, 2006 at 10:48 am
Dear Cap’n Slappy,
Why are 16 men on a dead man’s chest? And what’s the deal with the bottle of rum, anyway? Are they drinking it? Or did it kill the poor guy who now has 16 men on his chest? What gives here, Cap’n?
– Edmund Fitzgerald
Dear Fitz,
The lyrics to this popular pirate tune have always been unsettling to me as well. For one thing, there is no way that sixteen pirate arses could fit on a dead man’s chest. The seating space, even for a very large chest and very small arses would accomodate only four … maybe five. But let’s say that the pirates are standing on the chest. With a one-footed group stand while they held other pirates on their shoulder, you could conceivably get sixteen pirates stacked on the man’s chest. This would explain him being dead. The bottle of rum might have lead to the man saying, “Hey, youz shixteen pirates-es! I betsh you can’t all sthand on my chestsh at once!” The answer to, “what gives?” would be clearly, “his sternum.”
- Cap’n Slappy
November 1st, 2006 at 11:09 am
Garr! I be nah sure which angers me more, th’ fact that I didn’ find this first or that ye did ‘n decided t’ tale about it afore ye told me.
November 1st, 2006 at 11:34 am
Now I want a MAC more than ever!
November 1st, 2006 at 11:57 am
You just need John’s cup to help you drink more water! 52 ounces each time!
November 1st, 2006 at 12:59 pm
O.K., I can’t resist it – I must quote and alter a line from the movie “Dodgeball.”
“Randy, you’re not a pirate!”
Yar.
November 1st, 2006 at 1:53 pm
Just thought I’d send the last stanza of "Derelict". Can you translate this into Americanese from Pirate? I just gotta know what a ‘hawser’s bight’ is. Doesn’t sound good.
Fifteen men on the Dead Man’s Chest—
Drink and the devil had done for the rest—
We wrapped ‘em all in a mains’l tight
With twice ten turns of a hawser’s bight
And we heaved ‘em over and out of sight—
With a Yo-Heave-Ho!
And a fare-you-well!
And a sullen plunge
In the sullen swell,
Ten fathoms deep on the road to hell!
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!
[Here is the Pirate's translation for you - rdw]
Fifteen scallywags on th’ Dead Man’s Chest—
Drink ‘n th’ Davy Jones had done fer th’ rest—
We wrapped ‘em all in a mains’l tight
Wit’ twice ten turns o’ a hawser’s bight
‘n we heaved ‘em o’er ‘n out o’ sight—
Wit’ a Yo-Heave-Ho!
‘n a fare-ye-well!
‘n a sullen plunge
In th’ sullen swell,
Ten fathoms deep on th’ road t’ Davy Jones’ locker!
Yo-ho-ho ‘n a bottle o’ rum!
November 1st, 2006 at 1:55 pm
oh yeah, one more thing…what can the pirate do with Hamlet?
To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?
[OK Sandy, just for you . . .
T' be, or nah t' be: that be th' riddle:
Whether 'tis nobler in th' mind t' suffer
Th' slin's 'n arrows o' outrageous loot,
Or t' loot arms against a sea o' troubles,
'n by opposin' end them?]
November 1st, 2006 at 4:36 pm
Just thought you might like to know that Gibson, Griffin and I all dressed as Halloween this year. I wore even more eye makeup than usual since that’s apparently what they did. Tanya went as a mermaid as “wench” just didn’t seem to have much appeal.
Also, we’re going to be down your way around turkey day. you going to be around?
November 3rd, 2006 at 9:52 am
I personally prefer the Shakespeare insulter: It’s found here, not widget that I know of yet.
http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/
Some examples:
Thou droning earth-vexing devil-mon!
Be put in a cauldron of lead and usurer’s grease, amongst a whole million of cutpurses, and there boil like a gammon of bacon that will never be enough.
Thou infectious swag-bellied moldwarp!
Thou cullionly bat-fowling wagtail!
Get thee to a nunnery.
Peace.